Forrest Samnik, LCSW, EFT Cert-I, CCH
Statistics regarding sexually behavior among teenagers can be taken with a grain of salt. Because society has a controversial relationship to sex in general, and at best marginalizes teen sexuality, this population has many reasons to hide their sex lives from adults, and little reason to be honest. This probably accounts for the fluctuating data I’m finding about teens and sex.
Most of the research appears to support the conclusion that teenagers are waiting to have vaginal intercourse. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the percentage of 12th-grade students in the U.S. who reported having had intercourse declined from 66.7% in 1991 to 60.5% in 2001.
The reason for this may be that teens are engaging in anal and oral sex instead. For example, the CDC reports that more than 50% of U.S. teens ages 15 to 19 have engaged in oral sex. This number increases to almost 70% for those who are 18 and 19. Several media reports suggest that anal sex among teens 15 to 19 have increased, but the CDC is stating that anal sex among teens has stayed steady at 11% between 1995 and 2002.
Dr. Laura Berman, who is a regular guest on TV programs including Oprah, Dr. Oz, and the Today Show, believes teens are engaging in both oral and anal sex because they think it’s safe and they are keeping their virginity intact.
Information is power when it comes to your teenager making informed decisions about their sexual behavior. Here are some facts they need to know:
• Many common STDs can be transmitted via oral sex (fellatio or cunnilingus) and anal sex. These include: Hepatitis B, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Herpes, HIV, Human papilloma virus (HPV), Nongonococcal urethritis (NGU), Syphilis, and Yeast infections
• It’s estimated that 20 million Americans between the ages of 15 - 49 have an active HPV infection.
• In many cases, a STD can be transmitted even if the penis or tongue doesn’t go all the way in to the vagina, mouth or rectum and even if it isn’t obvious that body fluids are exchanged.
• The most dangerous HPV's, 16 and 18, which are transmitted through sexual contact are known to cause up to 95% of cervical cancers. Now these two HPV's are also being linked to oral cancer and anal cancer.
• Evidence suggests that people with multiple sexual partners have a much higher incidence of HPV and cervical cancer
The best way to make sure your pre-teens and teens are making safe and educated decisions about sex is to have age-appropriate conversations (emphasis on plural) early and often that include information about their own bodies, your family values as it relates to sex, and facts relating to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. With so much media coverage these days about teen sex, there are many teachable moments.
Many parents are not comfortable talking with their children about sex. Should this be the case for you, there are many very good books available to help you. Dr. Berman has a new one titled, “Talking to Your Kids About Sex”. If you prefer to be “coached” before engaging in these kinds of conversations with your kids, I would be honored to guide you. Feel free to call or email me to discuss this option. You are also welcome to call (727) 781-6567 or email (forrest@LifeWorksWithEFT.com) any questions or concerns you have and I’ll be sure to address these in future newsletters or news briefs.
Good luck Mom and Dad!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Using EFT To Clean Your Mental House
Have you ever watched a newborn baby? Did you notice that they don’t hold anything back? When they need something, they are not afraid to let the whole world know. When they’re happy, their giggles and smiles light up an entire room. They explore their world in amazement and wonder, without fear or shame. The perfection of babies is evident to all…including themselves. They know they are the epicenter of the universe.
As a baby you too knew you were perfect just as you are. So what happened? How did you go from being more than content to being you, to being too tall, too short, too old, too fat, too ugly, too dumb?
As we began to listen to the adults around us, who had learned to be fearful, we began to question and then ultimately deny our perfection. When we are very young, our very survival demands that we trust those that are responsible for our well being. What our caregivers said and did, we accepted as truth.
When we are born, our internal walls are like a brilliant white canvas on which we can create our masterpiece of our life. The problem is, a whole bunch of other people come and write all over our walls! Some of what they write is totally necessary, like “look both ways before you cross the street”. But much of what they write is their own junk! As children, and the epicenter of the universe, we see ourselves as the cause and effect of most everything. So, when our parents argue, for example, we see ourselves as the source of their fights, perhaps giving us the impression that we are bad or we can’t do anything right. When we are told “you can’t do that”, “you talk too much”, “you don’t really feel that way” we take our caregivers literally and come to believe what they say about us to be true.
As we grow and begin to have our own experiences in the world, we consult the writing on our walls to provide meaning and understanding of these experiences and how they relate to us. We formulate our beliefs about ourselves and the world from all that is written on our walls. These beliefs become our operating system; the way to respond to the world. Our perceptions are always in alignment with our beliefs. Hence, our beliefs become our reality.
Thus, if you believe, “People are loving and helpful”, because that’s part of the writing on your wall, you will create that experience. However, if your writing led you to believe, “People are always out to get me”, you will create a much different experience.
If there is writing on your walls that is not creating the life you desire to live, you may want to erase what’s currently written so new beliefs can take hold. A new reality will soon take shape. There is no law that states you can’t change what you currently believe.
The Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a highly effective method of upgrading your belief system. For simple instructions visit: http://www.lifeworkswitheft.com/eft_basic_recipe.pdf.
As a baby you too knew you were perfect just as you are. So what happened? How did you go from being more than content to being you, to being too tall, too short, too old, too fat, too ugly, too dumb?
As we began to listen to the adults around us, who had learned to be fearful, we began to question and then ultimately deny our perfection. When we are very young, our very survival demands that we trust those that are responsible for our well being. What our caregivers said and did, we accepted as truth.
When we are born, our internal walls are like a brilliant white canvas on which we can create our masterpiece of our life. The problem is, a whole bunch of other people come and write all over our walls! Some of what they write is totally necessary, like “look both ways before you cross the street”. But much of what they write is their own junk! As children, and the epicenter of the universe, we see ourselves as the cause and effect of most everything. So, when our parents argue, for example, we see ourselves as the source of their fights, perhaps giving us the impression that we are bad or we can’t do anything right. When we are told “you can’t do that”, “you talk too much”, “you don’t really feel that way” we take our caregivers literally and come to believe what they say about us to be true.
As we grow and begin to have our own experiences in the world, we consult the writing on our walls to provide meaning and understanding of these experiences and how they relate to us. We formulate our beliefs about ourselves and the world from all that is written on our walls. These beliefs become our operating system; the way to respond to the world. Our perceptions are always in alignment with our beliefs. Hence, our beliefs become our reality.
Thus, if you believe, “People are loving and helpful”, because that’s part of the writing on your wall, you will create that experience. However, if your writing led you to believe, “People are always out to get me”, you will create a much different experience.
If there is writing on your walls that is not creating the life you desire to live, you may want to erase what’s currently written so new beliefs can take hold. A new reality will soon take shape. There is no law that states you can’t change what you currently believe.
The Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) is a highly effective method of upgrading your belief system. For simple instructions visit: http://www.lifeworkswitheft.com/eft_basic_recipe.pdf.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Why Should I Forgive You?
It's practically impossible to go through life without being hurt by somebody. Most of us humans have a hard time letting go of such injuries and carry these scars of pain, resentment and anger with us for months, years, or even a lifetime.
Forgiveness can be a difficult concept to understand. I often hear, "If I forgive her, then she got away with what they did". Or, “Forgiving him would mean I accept what he did to me.” My response to this: “So, not to forgive is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting them to die!”
In reality, forgiveness is not letting the person of the hook for what they did or didn’t do, it’s releasing the barbed hook that continues to cause you pain and suffering so your wound can heal. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of self love you can do.
Think about it…Anger, resentment and pain take a lot of energy. When there’s more energy going out than coming in, you are operating from an energy deficit. This sets you up for depression, disease, and/or chronic physical pain. If you are continuing to harbor “ill feelings” towards someone, who are you really hurting? YOU! So, I ask you, is this person worth all this energy you continue to give them?
Now you might be asking, “OK, I understand that forgiveness is something I do for me and my own healing, but how do I go about forgiving someone if all if feel is anger and pain when I think about this person? The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a perfect tool to use to get you to a place of forgiveness.
EFT can collapse the energy disruptions that trigger the emotional toxins when tuned into the hurtful event. When you no longer feel angry and resentful, you can gain objectivity and emotional distance from the event. This clarity will often lead you to a new perspective. Mostly pain begets pain. Whenever you have been the one who has been the source of pain for someone else, it is because you were in pain, right? When you recognize the person who hurt you must have been hurting terribly themselves, forgiveness comes much easier.
Forgiveness can be a difficult concept to understand. I often hear, "If I forgive her, then she got away with what they did". Or, “Forgiving him would mean I accept what he did to me.” My response to this: “So, not to forgive is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn’t do to you) and expecting them to die!”
In reality, forgiveness is not letting the person of the hook for what they did or didn’t do, it’s releasing the barbed hook that continues to cause you pain and suffering so your wound can heal. Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of self love you can do.
Think about it…Anger, resentment and pain take a lot of energy. When there’s more energy going out than coming in, you are operating from an energy deficit. This sets you up for depression, disease, and/or chronic physical pain. If you are continuing to harbor “ill feelings” towards someone, who are you really hurting? YOU! So, I ask you, is this person worth all this energy you continue to give them?
Now you might be asking, “OK, I understand that forgiveness is something I do for me and my own healing, but how do I go about forgiving someone if all if feel is anger and pain when I think about this person? The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a perfect tool to use to get you to a place of forgiveness.
EFT can collapse the energy disruptions that trigger the emotional toxins when tuned into the hurtful event. When you no longer feel angry and resentful, you can gain objectivity and emotional distance from the event. This clarity will often lead you to a new perspective. Mostly pain begets pain. Whenever you have been the one who has been the source of pain for someone else, it is because you were in pain, right? When you recognize the person who hurt you must have been hurting terribly themselves, forgiveness comes much easier.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Secret Behind "The Secret"
Since the movie "The Secret" came out, the Law of Attraction has been receiving a lot of attention. Mostly what I hear is "The Law of Attraction doesn't work for me."
A simplified definition of The Law of Attraction (LOA) is: “We attract from the outside what we resonate with on the inside.” We are constantly creating our reality. This is quite a scary thought to some - this concept that we are personally attracting what is showing up in our lives. Scary or not, we are powerful beyond measure. If we have the power to attract poverty, we have the power to attract abundance. If we have the power to attract conflict, we have the power to attract peace. The secret behind "The Secret" is congruence.
How the LOA really works, contrary to the positive thinking movement, is that we attract what we believe (not necessarily what we think). If your head is thinking "I want a million dollars", but your gut is believes "Rich people are selfish, and I'm not selfish," your head and your gut are not congruent. If your head is thinking, "I really want to lose weight", but your gut believes "I won't be safe if I lose weight", your gut will win out in the long run. When we have yes/buts about what we want, the BUT wins out every time. Remember, a but always negates what comes before it. Yes/buts indicate our mind, body, and spirit are not in alignment.
The most powerful evidence that a yes/but exists is self sabotage. If you've ever lost weight only to gain it back and then some, you have a yes/but about being thin. If you have ever received a large sum of money and then lost it with nothing to show for it, you have a yes/but about prosperity (this is why most lottery winners are broke in a relatively short period of time). If you have been in a wildly happy relationship but you believe all men are pigs or all women are money grubbers, you will sabotage the relationship to be in alignment with your belief.
In order to use the LOA consciously and effectively, discovering your unconscious beliefs that are driving your reality is a must. One way of becoming conscious of your yes/buts is to state what you want out loud and then listen to your self-talk about why you can't, or it isn't safe to obtain it. Here are some examples:
YES! I want to make more money BUT...
(Example: If I make too much money my friends will treat me differently.)
YES! I want to lose weight BUT...
(Example: I will get too much attention and that will make me nervous.)
YES! I want to improve my relationship BUT...
(Example: If I'm honest, he/she will leave me.)
YES! I want to expand my business BUT...
(Example: If I don't succeed I will be a failure.)
YES! I want to be in a relationship BUT...
(Example: My heart will get broken again.)
YES! I want a promotion BUT...
(Example: My coworkers will reject me.)
The next step is to apply EFT on your limiting beliefs. An example set-up phrase would be, "Even though I believe being successful means having to work hard, and I don't want to work that hard, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
There are many nuances to using the LOA consciously and effectively. If you are ready to attract something particular in your life and can't wait to get started, you are welcome to contact me for a free 1/2 hour consultation at (727) 781-6567.
A simplified definition of The Law of Attraction (LOA) is: “We attract from the outside what we resonate with on the inside.” We are constantly creating our reality. This is quite a scary thought to some - this concept that we are personally attracting what is showing up in our lives. Scary or not, we are powerful beyond measure. If we have the power to attract poverty, we have the power to attract abundance. If we have the power to attract conflict, we have the power to attract peace. The secret behind "The Secret" is congruence.
How the LOA really works, contrary to the positive thinking movement, is that we attract what we believe (not necessarily what we think). If your head is thinking "I want a million dollars", but your gut is believes "Rich people are selfish, and I'm not selfish," your head and your gut are not congruent. If your head is thinking, "I really want to lose weight", but your gut believes "I won't be safe if I lose weight", your gut will win out in the long run. When we have yes/buts about what we want, the BUT wins out every time. Remember, a but always negates what comes before it. Yes/buts indicate our mind, body, and spirit are not in alignment.
The most powerful evidence that a yes/but exists is self sabotage. If you've ever lost weight only to gain it back and then some, you have a yes/but about being thin. If you have ever received a large sum of money and then lost it with nothing to show for it, you have a yes/but about prosperity (this is why most lottery winners are broke in a relatively short period of time). If you have been in a wildly happy relationship but you believe all men are pigs or all women are money grubbers, you will sabotage the relationship to be in alignment with your belief.
In order to use the LOA consciously and effectively, discovering your unconscious beliefs that are driving your reality is a must. One way of becoming conscious of your yes/buts is to state what you want out loud and then listen to your self-talk about why you can't, or it isn't safe to obtain it. Here are some examples:
YES! I want to make more money BUT...
(Example: If I make too much money my friends will treat me differently.)
YES! I want to lose weight BUT...
(Example: I will get too much attention and that will make me nervous.)
YES! I want to improve my relationship BUT...
(Example: If I'm honest, he/she will leave me.)
YES! I want to expand my business BUT...
(Example: If I don't succeed I will be a failure.)
YES! I want to be in a relationship BUT...
(Example: My heart will get broken again.)
YES! I want a promotion BUT...
(Example: My coworkers will reject me.)
The next step is to apply EFT on your limiting beliefs. An example set-up phrase would be, "Even though I believe being successful means having to work hard, and I don't want to work that hard, I deeply and completely love and accept myself."
There are many nuances to using the LOA consciously and effectively. If you are ready to attract something particular in your life and can't wait to get started, you are welcome to contact me for a free 1/2 hour consultation at (727) 781-6567.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Using EFT to Clear Financial Fears
Though the media and perhaps even your investment or bank accounts may tell you otherwise, it IS possible to maintain your sense of well-being and feelings of abundance. For most, however, the constant messages of doom and gloom are creating anxiety, fear, and even panic.
The problem with fear is, all the energy is being shunted away from the problem solving part of the brain to the more primitive back part of the brain. Fear and anxiety put you are in fight or flight mode. This response is really important if you are facing a physical threat like a Bengal Tiger, but unless you’re going to duke it out with AIG or Bernie Madoff, your energy would be better placed elsewhere.
Done correctly, the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), will quickly and efficiently clear the fear. This frees you to be logical, lucid and creative. These are the ingredients for success, no matter what is presenting as a perceived crises.
Besides tapping on the current fear and anxiety, I suggest you also assess your beliefs and personal relationship with money. There may be some old junk that needs be cleared to make room for greater financial abundance.
The problem with fear is, all the energy is being shunted away from the problem solving part of the brain to the more primitive back part of the brain. Fear and anxiety put you are in fight or flight mode. This response is really important if you are facing a physical threat like a Bengal Tiger, but unless you’re going to duke it out with AIG or Bernie Madoff, your energy would be better placed elsewhere.
Done correctly, the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), will quickly and efficiently clear the fear. This frees you to be logical, lucid and creative. These are the ingredients for success, no matter what is presenting as a perceived crises.
Besides tapping on the current fear and anxiety, I suggest you also assess your beliefs and personal relationship with money. There may be some old junk that needs be cleared to make room for greater financial abundance.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Eckhart Tolle’s Bridge to EFT
Having just finished Eckhart Tolle’s, A New Earth, I am feeling exhilarated. Imagine! A New York Times best seller that describes and explains how and why the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) works! Obviously, that wasn’t the point of the book. I don’t know if Mr. Tolle is currently aware of the effectiveness of EFT and how it is transforming the lives of millions of people all over the world. I am quite sure, however, if he had been aware at the time of his writing, he would have instructed his readers in at least the basic technique.
Tolle’s answer to how to break free of the “pain-body” has spiritual merit. He states that the pain-body (i.e., the accumulation of emotional pain carried in a person’s energy field) does not cause the suffering that we inflict on ourselves and others, but the identification we have with it. He reports that once we know that the toxic emotions we are feeling is the pain-body in us, this knowing is all we need to break from our identification with it.
I agree that in separating our authentic selves from our ego created thought of self, we become conscious and thus awaken from our illusion of suffering. And, I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to live our lives in consciousness. I’m saying we can rise above our “pain-body” by becoming conscious of our egoic thoughts and subsequent pain-body response through EFT. It’s another means through which to meet the same end…Emotional Freedom.
What Tolle has provided those of us who practice EFT is a wide spread education as to the interactive relationship between our thoughts and our energy system and how this relationship creates our toxic emotions and our subsequent discontent. It offers us a conceptual framework and language that is now understood by the many who have read his book.
For example, Tolle writes:
“What is a negative emotion? An emotion that is toxic to the body and interferes with its balance and harmonious functioning. Fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy—all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on.”
Though Tolle contends that the emotion creates the disruption of the energy flow and Gary Craig contends in his Discovery Statement that “The cause of all negative emotion is a disruption in the body’s energy system”, I say mox nix. The important concept here is that by restoring the flow of energy, the toxic emotions are freed.
My experience is that many of my clients are reticent to “focus on the negative” when developing the “setup statement.” I often hear, “Why do I verbalize the issue I’m trying to get rid of? Doesn’t thinking about it make it stronger?” This is an unfortunate backlash, in my opinion, to the positive thinking movement.
Tolle deftly explains why it is important to tune into the thought, memory, or belief that signals the energy disruption and accept this state without judgment. He states:
“The remnant of pain left behind by every strong negative emotion that is not full faced, accepted, and then let go of join together to form an energy field that lives in the very cells of your body. You can’t argue with what is. Well you can, but if you do, you suffer. Accepting [what you feel] means you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling at the moment.”
Now, during the initial consultation with a prospective client, I ask if they have read A New Earth. Many have either read it, watched the interview series Oprah had with Tolle and/or listened to the taped podcasts of this series. For those who have been exposed to A New Earth, it easily serves as a reference point to introduce EFT and the concepts of energy disruptions as the source of emotional dis-ease. This bridge has greatly reduced the initial apprehension to engage in EFT.
Thank you, Eckhart Tolle, for bringing the paradigm of energy disruptions as the cause of emotional pain into the mainstream. Oh, and thank you too, Oprah!
Tolle’s answer to how to break free of the “pain-body” has spiritual merit. He states that the pain-body (i.e., the accumulation of emotional pain carried in a person’s energy field) does not cause the suffering that we inflict on ourselves and others, but the identification we have with it. He reports that once we know that the toxic emotions we are feeling is the pain-body in us, this knowing is all we need to break from our identification with it.
I agree that in separating our authentic selves from our ego created thought of self, we become conscious and thus awaken from our illusion of suffering. And, I’m not saying we shouldn’t strive to live our lives in consciousness. I’m saying we can rise above our “pain-body” by becoming conscious of our egoic thoughts and subsequent pain-body response through EFT. It’s another means through which to meet the same end…Emotional Freedom.
What Tolle has provided those of us who practice EFT is a wide spread education as to the interactive relationship between our thoughts and our energy system and how this relationship creates our toxic emotions and our subsequent discontent. It offers us a conceptual framework and language that is now understood by the many who have read his book.
For example, Tolle writes:
“What is a negative emotion? An emotion that is toxic to the body and interferes with its balance and harmonious functioning. Fear, anxiety, anger, bearing a grudge, sadness, hatred or intense dislike, jealousy, envy—all disrupt the energy flow through the body, affect the heart, the immune system, digestion, production of hormones, and so on.”
Though Tolle contends that the emotion creates the disruption of the energy flow and Gary Craig contends in his Discovery Statement that “The cause of all negative emotion is a disruption in the body’s energy system”, I say mox nix. The important concept here is that by restoring the flow of energy, the toxic emotions are freed.
My experience is that many of my clients are reticent to “focus on the negative” when developing the “setup statement.” I often hear, “Why do I verbalize the issue I’m trying to get rid of? Doesn’t thinking about it make it stronger?” This is an unfortunate backlash, in my opinion, to the positive thinking movement.
Tolle deftly explains why it is important to tune into the thought, memory, or belief that signals the energy disruption and accept this state without judgment. He states:
“The remnant of pain left behind by every strong negative emotion that is not full faced, accepted, and then let go of join together to form an energy field that lives in the very cells of your body. You can’t argue with what is. Well you can, but if you do, you suffer. Accepting [what you feel] means you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling at the moment.”
Now, during the initial consultation with a prospective client, I ask if they have read A New Earth. Many have either read it, watched the interview series Oprah had with Tolle and/or listened to the taped podcasts of this series. For those who have been exposed to A New Earth, it easily serves as a reference point to introduce EFT and the concepts of energy disruptions as the source of emotional dis-ease. This bridge has greatly reduced the initial apprehension to engage in EFT.
Thank you, Eckhart Tolle, for bringing the paradigm of energy disruptions as the cause of emotional pain into the mainstream. Oh, and thank you too, Oprah!
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